At the moment Bear Cub is obsessed with the word ‘Booby’! A few months ago it was ‘Poo’ and it lasted a good 2/3 months before he got bored with it.
Before I had children I was very much of the view that children are nurtured into the gender stereotypes we are all familiar with and that if it was encouraged enough a boy could have an equal love for dolls and pushchairs and girls for cars and planes. Whereas I certainly still hold to this in part, I have had to rethink my theory since becoming a mum to a true ‘boy’s’ boy! Although I have to say my son owns a pushchair, loves cooking and loves to pretend he is pregnant with his teddies (!) he also loves everything ‘rude’ or ‘disgusting’, adores planes, cars and trains and will wrestle at any opportunity. Now Bear Cub definitely has friends who challenge these preconditioned gender roles (in fact Munchkin is one of his favourite wrestling partners) but, on the whole in my group of mum friends we have all identified the girls being ‘girly’ and liking all things pink and the boys well, being boys!!!
Whether this is down to the subliminal advertising in between Milkshake, in toy stores and clothing stores or comments from well-meaning parents, friends and families i.e. ‘What a pretty girl!’ ‘What a strong boy!’ It is there and seems to exist in even the most pc friendly family!
Earlier this year a couple revealed the sex of their ‘gender neutral’ child as he turned five. The couple had brought him up without referring to his sex at all. Apparently they simply called him ‘the infant’ and kept his gender a secret from all but a few close friends and relatives. As he grew older, he was encouraged to play with dolls as much as Lego, slept in a neutral yellow room and was allowed to wear both boys’ and girls’ clothes. I admire and agree with these parents notion that, ‘Stereotypes seem fundamentally stupid. Why would you want to slot people into boxes?’ But, I would also question whether this is healthy for a child or merely confusing. Last year, Canadians Kathy Witterick and David Stocker insisted that they would raise their baby Storm as a gender-neutral child and of that case, Dr Harold Koplewicz, a U.S. child psychiatrist, said he was ‘disturbed’ that well-meaning parents could be so misguided. ‘When children are born, they’re not a blank slate,’ he said. ‘We do have male brains and female brains. There’s a reason why boys do more rough and tumble play; there’s a reason why girls have better language development skills.’
I would say I allow my son to play with what are traditionally called ‘girls’ toys, dress up – even as a girl if he wishes, and wear any colour he likes, but, I feel it is very important that he has a sense of what sex he is if only for identifying with role models and also for learning how to deal with the opposite sex. I actually think this is important for children to understand that men and women are different and that different can still mean equal.
What are your thoughts?
8 Comments
I have two boys and whilst they are definitely boys boys, climbing in the sandpit and have an in built curiosity for climbing trees, I have dressed them in pink polo shirts and they have a dolly and a pushchair and a tea set!
Completely agree with you. It’s important that kids *know* what sex they are.
But at the same time, I’m not going to stifle my little girl by telling her that she can’t climb trees or wear blue.
From the womb I could tell my little boy was different from my little girl who is 19 months older. He was always kicking! Now he’s 9 months he is the same-can’t keep still for one moment! I encouraged my girl and boy to throw and kick balls and my girl still isn’t interested whereas my 9 month old boy loves them!
I think it’s good to let a child develop naturally, to make their own choices and decisions. If a little girl wants to swing from a tree or a little boy wants to hoover then that’s fine. However I don’t agree with the gender neutral people and calling your child by infant, I personally think that’s taking it a step too far and bordering on silly!
Only just got on to a ‘real’ computer so I can finally comment on this!
My daughter was our first child and not knowing what we were having we decorated her room in white with accents of primary colours. She was mainly bought toys that would be suitable for herself and siblings whatever gender. For a period of time she was obsessed with Disney Cars and collected them. Despite getting a lot of play out of them she wouldn’t play with them like a boy would – she would make up little stories, give them their lunch and put them to bed for a nap. When I was pregnant with our second child we moved her into a different bedroom and asked her what colour she would like to decorate it – she choose Pink! I’ve taken her to Ballet, but she wasn’t that fond of it and she’d prefer to play with stuffed animals over doll’s, but she definitely shows strong signs of being a girl. She plays quietly and contently and loves little toys that she can ‘set up’ as she calls it, and has a strong ‘mothering instinct’ during play towards her peers and brother.
On the other hand My 20mth old son is a ‘proper’ boy. He is surrounded by my daughter’s toys but his morning routine consists of finding his box of cars and pushing them around whilst making ‘brum’ noises! He is active and energetic and loves to destroy and dismantle everything in his sights.
I don’t think I’ve encouraged my children to develop in a certain way and I feel like I work hard to give them the option of becoming who they want to be, but I do think that naturally they have both fallen into the typical stereotypes for boys and girls.
http://www.slugsandsnails.ie
Check these out, bright tights for bold boys!
Wow – that’s a challenge to gender stereotyping. Cute too!
Ah my god those tights are amazing! We have some of the plane ones and everyone comments *nice ones) on them. I love making my son a person rather than just a “boy”, he doesn’t know he has gender stereotypes to live up to and so we dont force them on him. Boys stuff is so bland and so often violent and aggressive so its nice to see people moving away from this for a change!