How to cheat at being a ‘Yummy Mummy’!

I think it’s safe to say that neither Ruth or myself would say we fit firmly into the ‘yummy mummy’ category. Ruth’s reason would probably be more sensible and high-brow than me i.e doesn’t have the inclination or feel the need with mine being pretty shallow and primarily because I don’t have the time, funds or know how!  As a mum I genuinely am baffled when I see the immaculately turned out ‘Yummy Mummy brigade’ sipping lattes with their well-groomed, well-behaved children.  You think I’m jealous don’t you?  You’re dead right I am!  With a background in music and modelling (not the catwalk kind just the type where you have to just not be ugly!) there was a time when I would spend time on my hair, do my nails, hell I might even wax from time to time (sorry TMI!!) but you get the picture.  I never spent lots of time preening myself but I did ‘take care’ of my appearance.  However, these days my nails look like that of a five-year old, my beauty routine (what’s that?) is non-existent and I can’t remember the last time I went shopping for myself and not BearCub!

There really are days when I’d like to be more yummy and less mumsey but it is just so much effort – it takes time I don’t have, money I don’t have and energy I really don’t have – or does it??  If you met me you probably wouldn’t think I do too badly in terms of making myself presentable most days – so how do I do it if I’m as hard-pressed as I’ve just described you ask?  Just like you, I wondered if all those real ‘yummy mummies’ had Nannies or remote control children they could put on pause while they beautified themselves! But no, that is not my reality at least so I’ll let you in to my secret – I cheat!!

We Mums are fantastic at somehow fitting impossible tasks into non-existent amounts of time, making order out of chaos and basically finding a solution where there seems to be none on a daily basis within our role as parent.  And how do we do this?  We learn to prioritise, cut corners where we can and cheat at the rest thus creating an illusion that we are in control – like swans gliding gracefully on the water while our feet desperately paddle in a hidden frenzy beneath the surface somehow perpetually propelling us forward!  We are masters of disguise – or am I the only one?  I’ve said it before but it amazes me now the tasks I can do in five minutes that in my pre-baby life I swore I needed ‘at least an hour’ to do!

In case you haven’t cottoned on to the fact that this is what all yummy mummies do i.e. cheat – except for the real ones who have lots of money, fame and fortune like the WAGS of the media world – let me give you a few secrets and a list of essential items to help you cheat your way into looking good, feeling great and basically being ‘More than a Mum’…

Make sure you own a pair of black jeans.  As you know it is quite an achievement if as mums we make it to the end of the day without some form of gunge on our clothing generously donated to us from our offspring.  Therefore black jeans are a must have item of clothing that hide obvious stains and are flattering and comfortable at the same time.  Make sure you get a good fit to flatter your particular figure – most retail stores offer a wide range of fits to suit all shapes and sizes.  Black jeans are such a staple wardrobe item that it is worth getting a good pair but it doesn’t have to break the bank either.  Many High Street stores have a good range at affordable prices such as New Look.

If something is not working hide it!  I can’t count the amount of times people have commented on how funky and cool my head scarf, flower clip or hat looks not knowing I am in actual fact ‘styling out’ a really bad hair day!  You don’t have to cover the whole head (although some days a bag on the head seems preferable) but a flower slide or bright accessory can provide a good ‘distraction technique’ if you just haven’t had time to wash your hair or you know a visit to the hair dresser is long overdue but not going to happen anytime soon!

Style it out and accessorise! Scarves to wear around your neck are great for covering stains or spillages on your top – baby sick, dribble, wine!! – but look great and stylish at the same time.  Scarves effortlessly accessorise an outfit and look intentional even if you know it is simply covering a multitude of sins – no one else has to know!

Less is more in terms of make up.  When you are tired the worst thing you can do is put on lots of make up to try to hide it.  It will only emphasise the issue or you’ll end up looking like a clown!  Instead opt for minimal highlighters – mascara, highlighter blush and lip gloss.  Matching a lip stick to an accessory i.e your coat, nail varnish or hair band/scarf is a great trick for making it appear like you’ve made a well thought out effort and are oh-so-stylish and yummy – as long as it’s not green obviously!

Finally it is all about the shoes ladies! We don’t need much encouragement in this area but as we’re on our feet a lot as mummies make sure you have good, comfortable shoes but please know that does not mean they can’t be stylish!!!!

So there you are a few of my ‘secrets’ that you can feel free to steal and make your own.  And if you ever meet me face-to-face you’ll now know that under that hat and huge but stylish scarf is a bird’s nest and some disgusting child induced residue – lovely!! I really never will be a yummy mummy will I?!!

We’d love for you to share your ‘Yummy Mummy’ cheat tips in the comments section below and on Twitter!

One comment

  • ljb

    Fabulous stuff! …Aren’t we all cheating yummy mummys these days,and golly isn’t it cooler to be so :-)
    Gliding through the pond of chaos(I’m loving the swan analogy) with a throw on style,which I consider to be chic when viewed upon friends, and oodles of energy …let’s face it,we might feel like collapsing but with the adrenalin pumping we are soaring high on getting tasks done!
    Yummy mummy piff paff, I’m thinking cupcake style is waaay more cool. Great cake with messy but oh so sexily tempting icing on top (not forgetting the butterfly hair accessory:-) THIS is the way ahead!!!
    Tips: girlfriend,cupcake power,an afternoon of tea meetups where you all do something pampering for the other. Toenail paint ‘tick’; hair fuss (explore other people’s thoughts on creativity)’tick’; swap old clothes (something old for something that feels new) …I could go on,but I know you’re getting my drift..There are so many options to being yummy mummy swish in a round about way. So Carpe Dieum ..seize the day!

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