First steps to rediscovering your identity

identity mum

Our aim at More than a Mum to help you to rediscover your identity as a woman.  We want our posts to be practical as well as informative, constructive as well as inspiring.

As Mums, we easily neglect our personal identity as it is incredibly easy to become absorbed, and dare I say, all consumed in being parents.  Sometimes without even realising it.  But who are you without your child?  Do you sometimes wonder what to talk about or even what to do with your hands when you don’t have your child with you? People lose their identity for all sorts of reasons; a dominating partner, a demanding career, a busy parent.  However, it’s worth remembering we are only in danger of losing who we are if our identity is wrapped up ‘only’ in what we do.

As parents we long for our children’s successes to surpass our own, for them to have the opportunities we never had and we do everything in our power to help them along the way.  However, as we’ve said time and time again in our posts ‘a happy and fulfilled parent equals a happy and fulfilled child’.  The best thing we can do for our children is to lead by example.  To live what we want to teach them – not just talk about it.  Not only do we owe it to our children though, but we owe it to ourselves to reignite our passion for our dreams, to dig them up from the depths where we, or life’s pressures, have buried them and to start to construct a plan towards achieving them.

Maybe it’s been so long that you’ve forgotten your dream.  Maybe you think you don’t have one anymore.  I’m confident with the right kind of digging you can uncover it and be on your way to rediscovering your identity as a woman in the process.

The following steps are just for you.  You don’t have to share them with anyone yet but I do encourage you to write them down to make it more real.

Step 1: What did you want to be as a little girl/boy? (Try to remember the self-belief and abandonment you had as a child – that the world was your oyster and you could do or be anything you wanted to be.)

Step 2: What would you do if you were guaranteed you wouldn’t fail?

Step 3: What do you wish you could be doing this time next year? (Your short-term goal)

Step 4: What do you wish you could be doing in 5 years time? (Your mid term goal)

Step 5: Where would you like to be and what would you want to be doing in ten years time? (Your long-term goal)

Step 6: What is something you would quite like to do that you know you can do you just haven’t got round to doing it or made time to do it?

Step 7: What would you love to do but it seems like too much hard work/effort/time?

Step 8: What’s your crazy dream you secretly would love to do but struggle to believe it’s even possible?

Step 9: Look back over all your answers so far.

–       What small step could you do tomorrow towards any of these things?

–       What medium step could you commit to do in the next two weeks towards any of these things?

–       What big step could you take by Christmas towards any of these things?

Step 10: The important thing is to just get on and do it. Stop talking yourself out of it or looking at the obstacles or difficulties in the way – Just get started.

Wake up tomorrow and take that first tiny step.

L

10 comments

  • This is really great advice. We get so caught up in everyday life that we forget our dreams, then before we know where we are it’s five years later and we’ve done nothing about it. When I say we, of course I mean me!! As I don’t have one particular thing I want to do/be (I’m what is termed a ‘scanner’ so I have way too many dreams!) I wrote a bucket list ages ago but have done nothing about it, so my first step is to go back to that and see if I can make any of those things get a bit closer…

    • Brilliant! My revelation a few years ago was to not got overwhelmed by the long list or huge dream but just focus on the baby steps, one at a time towards the mountain – before you know it you’ll have started to climb and be half way over! :-)

  • It’s great to have a list of projects and dreams, but without luck, it’s often difficult to get them started. I have been able to start writing because I met, purely by chance, a man on a dating site who turned out to be a non-starter as a boyfriend but great as an agent.

    As a result, I’ve had 2 children’s books published and am part of a fab group creating educational resources for children.

    • Wow Sarah, that does sound like great luck – or may be fate – depending on which way you look at it. However, in the absence of luck I think we can certialy create our own opportunities and it’s the small steps that ultimately can take you the furthest distance!

  • What a lovely post!! You are so right that as mums we do sometimes forget the bigger picture when we are so busy with the children. Certainly food for thought!!

    • You’re so right Nikki but I also find that sometimes it’s the bigger picture that can put us off as it seems so unreachable but little steps can make us feel like we are at least making progress and kicks us into action at least!

  • Natasha

    What an inspiring blog. I think every person, not just Mums, would do well to make time & space to remember or discover their dreams. The ‘small steps’ thing is great advice! Good blog.

  • What I wanted to be as a child ( a dancer on Seaside Special – that really shows my age!)

    doesn’t quite fit in with steps 2-10. However, I have so many ideas and goals, I feel really inspired by your post and will start making those small steps. Who knows? By Christmas I could be a whole lot closer to my goals! Thank you for such a motivating post :-)

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