10 Tips to be a guilt free Mummy
Today on More than a Mum we have a guest post from Kelly Menzies of www.life-is-now.co.uk. Kelly is a Change and Personal Development Leader who is passionate about leading people away from anxiety and stress to health and happiness. Mother guilt is something that we have blogged about a few times recently, and in today’s post Kelly shares 10 tips for being guilt free with More than a Mum readers. Now, that can’t be a bad idea!
Do you constantly feel like you are not doing a good enough job with your kids? That you should be doing more, that you are over stretched with the endless demands on your time?
Guilt and feeling like we should be doing more is one of the biggest drains on our energy. It depletes our energy which as busy mums is the last thing that we need. When we have less energy, we have even less time for our kids so we need to snap out of this cycle as soon as we become aware of it.
You see our kids are very smart, if they think for a minute that we feel guilty, they will take huge advantage of this! We are more than mums, we have our whole life to balance and organise and we will always wish for more hours in the day.
We are own worst enemy with all our negative self talk about why we are not more like the perfect image we have of ourselves. It is this perfect image that makes us put unnecessary demands on our time. We will always feel “not good enough” whilst we are striving for perfection.
I catch myself doing it all the time, wondering whether I am spending enough quality time with my two, whether they are doing enough sports activities, if they are eating healthily enough. And with my knowledge of psychology, if I am mentally or emotionally scarring them in any way for the future!
I say “catch” because as soon as I’m aware of it, I consciously change my thinking. You see feeling guilty is of no benefit to us personally. As I said it drains our energy and makes us feel physically exhausted. It also is of no benefit to our kids as the less energy we have the less we can do for them.
When we accept ourselves for who we are we free ourselves from this mentally draining habit. Does that mean that we stop doing our best or we don’t strive to do better? No – absolutely not! Being a mother is in my opinion the most challenging role. We will never get it right all the time and sometimes we do need to learn new ways of doing things.
That does not mean that we need to beat ourselves with a stick though, we are human! To be human means that we make mistakes. We can however learn from these and let go of the past. We can learn to be more present with our kids rather than spending our time in our head.
Most of all we can learn to take very good care of ourselves, to treat ourselves with respect, without feeling guilty. If we give more to ourselves, we will have more to give our kids. This is when they will really get the best of us!
How do we do this?
- Give yourself a break with all the negative self talk
- Accept yourself for who you are and where you are now
- Take regular time out on a daily/weekly basis for you (however much you need)
- Cut out unnecessary tasks and focus on the priorities
- Take time to improve on your mental, physical and emotional health
- Treat yourself to your favourite things – doesn’t need to be expensive, could be a bath and good book
- Face facts and start saying no when you are not able to do something.
- Simplify your life – get rid of all the junk and things that are not all that important. When we are overcommitted or feel like there is too much to be done, we tend to feel guilty.
- Make sure that you have healthy relationships in your life – where you give what you can, when you want to and not because you feel you have to.
- Make a decision to work on your self esteem and self confidence – it will be worth the effort.
What are you waiting for? Go for it, you deserve the best and so do your kids.